Today I went from denial to complete anger. Cancer, I fuckin hate you! You are taking her! A mother, a friend, an eventual grandmother, and part what what makes me who I am.
I feel this messiness but people only see a smile. Someone told me today that “denial” is bad… Oh really ?! No shit?! What would you like me to feel cause right now I have no control. Like I’ve said before, it’s like a schizophrenic array of emotions, sadly the best of antipsychotics don’t take away this.
I saw a post and i just lost my mind crying …
So here’s the silver lining, I have time however short, and I am grateful. I want to know everything from her; what would you tell me before my wedding, what would you want your grandchildren to be named, what do you want me to with all those damn pillow shams you own?
So I am going to soak up everything I can until … (I can’t even write because it’s too painful. Remember, I am in denial!)
the faithful caregiver